i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
