I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
