forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
