How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
