bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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