Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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