I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
