I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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