I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.