ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
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She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
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No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid