I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.