Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.