Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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