Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door