Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
