somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
