I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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