I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
