Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Farmville is her only friend.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
