I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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