Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
