I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
