4 words: hood of his car
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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