You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
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i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize