Can i not drive my cunt home
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
