remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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