Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
