There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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