I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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