I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
