ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
