you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
