The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
