i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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