Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
