i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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