he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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