Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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