There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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