you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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