I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
