I cannot find my penis.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
