I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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