my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
