I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
