There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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