there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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