8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
