he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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