Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
