Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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