took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
