That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
