I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i will never coherently bang her
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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