You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
