My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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