There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
