My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
