I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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