he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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