hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
