I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
