she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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