I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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