Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
