zippers are such a cool invention
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
