so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
