to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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