WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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