R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
