sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
